The moment we decided to try — and everything that came before it

We sat with the idea of IVF for eight months before we said yes. Eight months of conversations that started and stopped, of online research at odd hours, of looking at each other across dinner and not quite saying the thing we were both thinking.

This is the story of that decision — not the treatment, just the before. Because I think the before matters, and I don't see it talked about very much.

What held us back

Fear, mostly. Fear of what it would do to our relationship, to our bodies, to our finances, to our hope. Hope is a fragile thing when you've already spent two years watching it not quite materialise. The idea of putting it through something as concentrated as IVF felt terrifying.

"We weren't ready. But I'm not sure you ever are. At some point you just decide that maybe is better than never."

We were also afraid of what it would mean if it didn't work. Closing a door. Choosing a different life than the one we'd imagined. That fear was so big we could barely look at it directly.

What made us say yes

We talked to a couple who'd been through it. Not a success story — a story that hadn't ended the way they hoped, but that they'd survived. They said: you will be okay whatever happens. We didn't believe them entirely. But we believed them enough.

If you're in the decision-making phase right now — take your time. This is yours to decide, on your timeline. The right answer is the one you can live with.